Let me just preface this by saying, I have no problem with any organized religion or other various spiritual beliefs and practices. We are free in this country to practice any religion we so choose and I fully appreciate that freedom.
What I don’t appreciate is folks knocking on my door to share their beliefs with me.
Oh, I don’t exactly mind being interrupted from eating cookies, pinning useless shit and watching NCIS to answer the door.
And it does only take a few moments for me to explain I already practice one religion that has been confusing the hell out of me since sixth grade and really with the way my son has been acting in church of late, really, I’m not looking for yet another nave to sheepishly cower in while wrangling a screaming ten-month old.
I don’t even mind recycling the literature you insist I take. It certainly doesn’t bother me that come Thursday morning our alley is going to be littered with all the glossy little pamphlets you offered up to every damned house on the block.
You know what I do mind? I mind when you get the kid awake!
Look, I know your religion likely doesn’t give you the super-powers necessary to know that I have two asshole dogs and a napping ten-month old. However, when my Pinterest time is cut short by your disturbance, it makes me feel very unchristainlike.
Let’s save ourselves some trouble. Send me an email. You will save yourself time and effort by ceasing to wander around the neighborhood riling all the dogs up in the middle of the day. I’ll save myself some stress-related cardiovascular disease.
In the alternative, if emailing the good word seems contrary to your ministering beliefs, just leave the literature in my mailbox.
I recycle devoutly.