Dear Woman with Stroller and Big Beautiful Border Collie,
I have seen you near the Patterson Park Boat Lake on multiple occasions over the past several weeks. The weather has been nearly perfect and I’m glad to see you are taking yourself, your daughter, and your dog out for some fresh air and exercise.
I’m sure you’ll agree, the Boat Lake is especially wonderful this time of year. There are mallards with ducklings, and kinglets, and thrashers, and thrushes, and widgeon, and heron, towhees, creepers, and flickers, red-winged blackbirds, and warblers. Not to mention turtles and squirrels!
You might have noticed on your walks there are also plenty of people fishing the Lake, sitting quietly beside the Lake, taking photographs of the flora and fauna. . .families with small children, folks with other dogs. . .
You did notice right? You’re there almost every day.
It appears you enjoy the Lake very much. I’ve even seen you and your daughter feed the ducks.
Yet, I feel like you don’t actually appreciate the Lake. It also appears you do not much respect people or care that much for nature. . .
In fact, it appears you don’t even care about your own dog. . .
Because every damned time I see you, your positively obnoxious dog is tearing around the lake at break-neck speed, running into the reeds where ducks are nesting, chasing squirrels, barking incessantly, approaching other dogs recklessly, and digging holes under trees. All the while you walk entirely too far behind him, with a stupid grin on your face and his worthless leash dangling around your fat neck!!!!!
The first time I saw you, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps your dog just really needed exercised? I know border collies require a lot of stimulation.
The second time I was appalled and speechless.
The third time, I was so angry and disgusted with you I started thinking immature mean girl things about how fat your ass looks in those ridiculous spandex capris you wear all the time.
You know what? When I revert to mean girl thoughts, I’m clearly harboring waaaaaay too much resentment.
So, there is no fourth time. The next time I see you, I’m calling whatever number I need to call to report a leash violation.
You might know leash violations cost upwards of $1000 in these parts.
Yeah, I’m probably being harsh, but consider it tough love. And by tough love, I mean my concern for your dog. If he can’t be controlled, he needs to be leashed for his own safety. One of these days he’s going to confront the wrong dog, chase something into traffic, or even stumble upon the fox everyone has been seeing. It’s for his own safety.
If you are not concerned about your dog’s safety or the interests of others in the vicinity of the Lake, including the little girl who cried as you dog barreled towards her and those squirrels he aggressively treed today, you should pay. Ultimately the dog isn’t the asshole terrorizing the park, you are.
What is wrong with you? Put your dog on a leash already!
Much Love (to the dog), Deni
As an aside: I have no problem with any breed of dog. I love all dogs. We have two large dogs ourselves. I have no problem with dogs being off-leash if they are well-trained, well-behaved, and it’s appropriate given the circumstances. Also, I have never reported a dog off-leash. Hopefully, I’ll never witness something so egregious as this, which would necessitate my doing so in the future.