Early Wednesday morning I took Mac to the Park because it had been a while since we went on really long bird walk. We watched some Downey Woodpeckers and a few warblers in addition to the usual robins and starlings as we made our way to the Boat Lake.
I packed Mac’s breakfast because I was hoping to sit by the Lake, keep him amused and give the swifts/swallows a good once-over. Mac and I arrived at the lake just in time to be literally swarmed by a bunch of elementary school kids apparently searching for frogs. I considered pointing out that there was a beautiful Caspian Tern diving straight into the lake and swallowing fish mid-air but what do I know about the science education of 6 year olds?
After those little urchins retreated from the area singing a song to the tune of Jeremiah was a Bull Frog but somehow inserting “metamorphosis” into the lyrics WTF? I was hoping the birds would settle before Mac finished his food and became bored out of his mind.
Then I noticed an acquaintance of ours walking towards us. His name is Gary and he takes wildlife photos. Chris and I often see him in the Park and we often discuss the various birds we have spotted in places around the city. As Gary began to get his gear ready, we watched two red-winged black birds repeatedly dive-bomb a Great Blue Heron that had just landed close-by in the reeds.
And then I heard it.
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF YAP YAP YAP.
I noticed Gary stiffen up and bristle at the noise.
And to our right, like a tornado barreling along the lake is that stupid Collie. I looked at Gary.
“That dog is awful,” he nearly whispered.
He mentioned he had gone to the Patterson Park website to see if there was a place where he could complain about this dog off a leash but he didn’t have any luck.
I told him I was relatively certain you needed to call the police for a leash-law violation and I had vowed the next time I saw her I was calling.
As she walked around the Lake I pulled out my iPhone. Gary egged me on. 3-1-1-Option 2 – Non-emergency police line. . .
“Thank you for calling. . .mumble, mumble, mumble, Miss Kimmy. . .mumble, mumble, mumble.”
I could tell this wasn’t going to be easy. I kept one nervous eye on Stupid and Obnoxious.
“Hi! How are you today?” I asked in my most sincerely positive sounding voice.
“Um ok. I’m calling about a dog off leash. Have I called the appropriate number?”
It unravels rapidly from there. The lady demands to know what the problem is with the dog. Had he bitten someone? Why would I need the police?
Well because if you send a cop into this park, you’re going to end up with $1000 citation, you ding dong.
I took a deep breath and asked her if there was not indeed a “Leash Law” and explained to her that the dog was out of control, a nuisance to others, etc which I’m pretty sure sounded to her exactly like this: “Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.”
Then I was put on hold for 3 or 4 minutes. And I lost sight of Stupid and Obnoxious.
Miss Kimmy (why do people refer to themselves like that? Especially in a professional setting?) returned to the line to ask me if I could still see Stupid and Obnoxious. I had to admit that I could not. Well, Miss Kimmy informed me sounding almost victorious, she couldn’t send a cop.
“But, there’s a police station right beside the park. The lady hasn’t had time to get out of the park yet. Couldn’t you please just send an officer to the park? He’ll surely find her quickly.” I practically plead my rebuttal.
“No. No. No. No.”
So then I said something to Miss Kimmy that I probably shouldn’t have because I’m a bitch: “Just so I’m sure I understand, in order for me to get you to send a cop TO ENFORCE THE LAW, I might actually have to ask someone who is blatantly disregarding said law to wait with me while I spend 7 minutes on the phone reporting their violation, 4 of which are on hold while you undoubtedly try to figure out if there is actually a leash law, and then if I’m lucky, you’ll send a cop. However, because it’s a non-emergency, I’m certain the cop won’t be in a hurry to get here. So perhaps I should also offer to buy her lunch while we wait?”
I know. It was rude. She’s just a dispatcher. Our city is full of homicidal maniacs and drugs and other stuff that keep our hard-working police officers VERY busy. I do appreciate all that they do. I’m not willing to over-look the fact that she refers to herself as Miss Kimmy, though.
But I really desperately want this woman to get her obnoxious dog under control!
Several of you have suggested in the comments to my original post, I print flyers and hand them out. I am a little hesitant to do this because I know they will end up littered all over the park. So maybe I’ll just try to be kind to her and very sweetly tell her if I see her stupid ass, with that obnoxious dog off leash again, I will keep calling 3-1-1. Because let’s face it, I’ve got nothing but time. . .And when I make my mind up about something I’m also like an obnoxious dog. . .an obnoxious dog with a very tasty bone.