Friday Funny: Suck Storm Door, Door Sucker

The ballet teacher from my youth, Carole Thompson, might consider this a respectable second position.  My Mother might marvel at Mac’s development and strength.  All I know is, I have to clean that stupid storm door AGAIN!!

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7 thoughts on “Friday Funny: Suck Storm Door, Door Sucker

  1. Oh, how I loved reading this! The whole, “do you want an orange rind to lick” almost made me launch into the hysterical laugh-cry thing that I do. I was never offered an orange rind. For me, I had a choice of apple juice and jello. Like you, I was in labor for HOURS (from start to finish, it was close to 40, but it was 19 hours from the time we got to the hospital to the time she was born) and I was freaking hungry. I was Group Strep B (or is it Group B Strep?) positive, so I had 3 bags of antibiotics pumped into me, the epidural, a narcotic to stop the epidural itching (had I known it was a narcotic, and not just an “anti-itch drug”, I wouldn’t have had it as it made me totally loopy, and the anesthesiologist had to come in twice to make sure I wasn’t having a reaction to the epidural, which made me launch into a major anxiety-induced bout of shaking as I COULD NOT handle the idea of having them take out the epidural…and of course the shaking caused them to become concerned…ah, I was such a beautiful creature that day!), and eventually some sort of antacid. Oh, and they did start pitocin, but my daughter’s heart rate kept dropping with the contractions, so they had to stop that. That’s a lot of freaking stuff pumping through my body! Needless to say, apple juice was like acid going down my throat, and I puked my guts out BEFORE I reached the 10 cms mark, and again in the middle of the actual delivery. Lovely. I remember when I was finally tucked into my (hellishly uncomfortable) bed in my post-delivery room and the nurse came in to ask if I would like something to eat. I chose the cheese sandwich as I had been so sick and tired of the whole “is this pasteurized?” paranoia for 9 months. It was the best damn sandwich I’ve ever eaten in my life.

    I can’t wait to read the rest of your story next week!

    • Ok. Wait. They offered you a CHEESE SANDWICH after Bubbs was born? Sonofabiscuit!! All I got was some lousy Lorna Doone Cookies and a Gingerale! I HATE MY DOCTOR!!

      I can’t imagine feeling so twitchy and ill from the epidural and other medications. It completely stinks you had to go through all that. And the vomiting too? You poor thing!

      Why is childbirth still so freaking barbaric?! UGH!! I’m sorry you had a pretty gross experience TOO.

      Don’t get me wrong, I’d endure 100 times worse – ok maybe 10 times worse – to get a healthy little baby but why should we have to?

      I finished the post for next week earlier today. I’m dying to post it because I actually cracked myself up a few times typing it. I hope you enjoy. Sometimes when I write something carefully and think it’s funny, it’s not as popular as some of my more off the cuff posts.

    • Thanks! It’s so exciting to watch them do it but always leery he’s going to crack his head open. Somehow he knows to bed his knees and plop down on his rear end when he’s tired or losing balance tho.

      • Oh that’s great. Even though Avery can sit up alone, I’m still worried he will flop over and bang his head, so I put a boppy around him when I’m not right there. It’s just so scary that they’re so mobile and any second a wrong move and they can bonk their head or something1

      • I know! And I know they are much tougher than they appear but that doesn’t stop me from hovering and worrying. I think it’s probably overkill to make Mac wear a helmet in the house though?

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