They say it’s integral to their development.
They let on like it’s adorable and wondrous.
They are jerks.
With the exception of the kid learning how to “phish in” birds, every other adult behavior he’s imitated annoys the shit out of me.
It all started a few months back. We went to Florida for a visit with some dear friends. You know what he learned? He learned how to fake cough and imitate an arm gesture.
The cough? Now, every blessed time he does it, I’m convinced he’s nearly choking to death on some piece of filth he’s picked up off our floor.
The arm gesture? Sure it was cute when we were watching the Stanley Cup play-offs and it was accompanied with an adult screaming “GOAL.” In the absence of such fan-fare, it merely appears he’s the youngest card-carrying member of some Hitler youth organization.
Know what else he’s learned? Daddy thinks belching is hilarious. Every meal, our 15-month old tries valiantly to produce an earth-shaking burp in an effort to make his Father laugh and laugh and laugh. . .Ugh.
But wait! There’s more!
He also imitates me.
And it’s revolting. . .
He doesn’t grab a pen and try the NYT Sunday crossword.
He doesn’t pretend he’s reading or writing. . .Or painting. . .Or taking photos. . .or playing music. . .
He doesn’t imitate any sort of higher cognitive or pleasurable pursuits. . .
Rather, he takes his bottle or sippy cup and pours liquid all over his high chair tray (or the floor) and proceeds to mop it up in a wide swiping back and forth motion with his favorite burp cloths. . .
HE’S CLEANING SOMETHING!
So yes, this is apparently the example I’m setting for my son. . .
Mommy has a law degree, a million things she’d love to learn, has a ton of interests, and actually knows some pretty cool stuff. . .yet, it appears all she does worthy of imitating is mop up shit all day long with a dish towel.
Oh well, at least he isn’t cursing under his breath while he’s doing it. . .