We Finally Pulled One Over on the Pediatrician!

“Sup Doc? Eating my typical artery clogging breakfast. Yum!”

Friday afternoon we had Mac’s 15 month well-baby check up.

Now if you recall, I adore our physician but she also fills me with well. . .terror.

You can read about a few of our previous visits, here and here.

Long story short, the Doc had been in a snit the past few visits because Mac wasn’t gaining any weight.  I vehemently contended he WAS eating A LOT.  He just didn’t love fattier foods all that much.  Her response was to fatten him up at nearly any cost.

I did understand her concerns.  Children need a certain amount of fat to ensure proper growth and development. . .

So we attempted full fat yogurt (which he will only consider eating if you allow him to stand in front of the open freezer while spooning it into his mouth.  I. Am. Serious.  Who knows why?), Instant breakfast mixed in his milk. . .ice cream, buttered vegetables. . .

Nothing seemed to be appealing to him. . .

And I was starting to freak a little bit. . .

And that’s when I discovered Mac’s kryptonite:  Cheese omelette, fried in butter plus a side of 2 slices of bacon.  Every. Damned. Morning.

Then I discovered another magical trick:  homemade, full fat Ranch dressing.  Sure, he loved cucumbers before. . .now it’s like he has a full-blown crack habit.

He was eating. . .still well. . .still balanced meals but I was finding ways to sneak in more fat.  And I felt good about it. . .but I wasn’t sure he was actually gaining weight.  His clothes fit and we were still using the same snaps on the diapers. . .

I just wasn’t sure.

So it was with a little fear and much trepidation that we entered the Doc’s office last Friday afternoon.

We went through the usual weights and measures and temperature readings.  Then we waited in the nearly noiseless vacuum of the examination room.  My stomach was doing back flips as I read Mac One Fish, Two Fish.

Right on time (love that!) our petite little powerhouse of a Pediatrician came blazing into the room.  Sure she looks unassuming in her sensible shoes and cute cardigan, softly curled hair. . .But I KNEW better.

And I mentally prepared myself. . .I KNEW how much he was eating every day.  I had been keeping tabs for the past few days.  I was ready.

So of course she happily proclaimed she was thrilled with the pound and a half he gained in the past month!

What the hell?  There would be no red-faced, stammering, feeling like a failure of a parent on my part?!

Was that disappointment I felt while she lauded our efforts to fatten up the little prince?

Um not exactly. . .

I think it might have been GUILT.

What the Doc didn’t know was the kid hadn’t pooped in nearly two days.

And I felt more than a little certain he probably was full of at least 3/4 of a pound of it at weigh in. . .

But that’s going to be our little secret um-kay?

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7 thoughts on “We Finally Pulled One Over on the Pediatrician!

  1. Hooray!!!! That’s awesome news. It’s almost like he didn’t poop on purpose, just to get the doc to lay off of you. 🙂 Funny, my child doesn’t like dairy, with the exception of her milk. I have to REALLY distract her to get any yoghurt down her throat, she adamantly refuses to eat ice cream, and only eats cheese if it’s cooked in something. I used to be obsessed with ensuring she had enough dairy, but a week and a half ago, I gave her extra milk in the day and 2 small containers of yoghurt at dinnertime, and she woke up and threw up an hour after she went to bed. Now, it COULD have been because of that third molar that was starting to come through, but it’ll be a LONG time before I buy yoghurt again! For her “fat”, I buy toaster pancakes and waffles, and give those to her with butter on them. Sometimes I make 2 to ensure there’s enough left for me! Thanks for the ranch dressing idea. How do you make it?

    • Mac loves him some cheese – even the “gross” kind like Gorgonzola. BUT at least he doesn’t vomit it all back up. That’s a terrible mess to clean up. ;(

      So you have a couple options for the ranch – you can buy those little packets of the powder and make it with fresh whole milk and mayo (which still tastes better to me than then bottled versions). Or you can take about 1/3 cup of mayo and mix it with about 1/2 to 1/3 cup of buttermilk. Add some minced garlic, dill, and parsley (fresh or dried) to taste. Keeping in mind dried herbs are always more potent than fresh so use less. . .Also add a little salt and pepper to taste. Both versions of the dressing will last about a week to 10 days in the fridge.

      Mac also likes blue cheese dressing. . .but I try to NEVER keep that around. I was eating it by the cup-full. Ha!

  2. Lol, sounds like a great team effort. 😉
    Funnily, Livi would eat only yogurt all day long if we let her.
    And she’s finally started to show an interest in our food but completely skipped the finger foods phase, except for cookies and Cherios.

  3. Hahaha! The one time constipation is a good thing, right! Too funny.

    My son is also on the skinny side. He didn’t gain any weight for two visits in a row, but my doctor didn’t seem too worried because she said he was still above the 10th percentile for weight. Nonetheless, I’m always looking for ways to add calories, especially since he doesn’t care too much for dairy products and meat.

    I’d like to try that ranch–I see you posted above in the comments–my guy loves cucumbers too and I think that might be a way to get more calories even though it’s dairy. Thanks for the idea.

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