Nope. Not pregnant. . .Just the title of certain posts I do when I look back on all the crap I was delusional about when I was pregnant.
I’m feeling a little bleh today. I probably just haven’t swilled enough coffee or something. I feel like I could happily sped a large chunk of the morning in bed.
Of course, Mac isn’t going to tolerate that kind of behavior.
This is something no one can fully prepare you for when you are plotting having children: You can NEVER have a bad day.
Even if you have a fabulous spouse who pitches in frequently and is willing to do anything to help and can “give you a break” sometimes. (As I fortunately do). You still can’t have a bad day. Or even the kind of good day where you can completely “check out.”
It just doesn’t work. And I’m not talking about keeping your home in some sort of Martha Stewart pristine condition.
It’s way more basic: It’s you versus chaos and if you let it slide for even half a day, it threatens to take over the rest of the week. Sure, an unmade bed isn’t fatal but laundry and dirty sippy cups cannot be ignored. It’s a known fact that mountains of laundry – when left unattended will co-conspire to kill you.
You can’t just leave chunks of discarded toddler food lying around on the floor and decide to take a nap while the little one does. Because when you awake, that shit will still be there! Suddenly, it’s going to look like a scrumptous 5-star, cat-licked, dog-hair covered buffet to the kid. It must be dealt with ASAP. If you don’t feel like sweeping (or even bending over), it doesn’t matter. The situation will be more dire if you choose to ignore it.
The same goes for wiping down every surface the kid touches. It might sound a little OCD, but you really are better off wiping the yogurt off the freezer door as soon as it’s deposited there, otherwise you have to expend twice as much energy trying to remove the congealed slop which has somehow managed to chemically bond to the surface at the molecular level.
And the toys? I fucking hate legos. You can’t leave toys strewn all over the place 24 hours a day. Anyone who has stepped on an over-looked small plastic part in their bare-feet knows all too well the painful price of letting the mess go un-checked.
I am also astounded by the mental and physical energy I expend attempting to meet our basic need to EAT. What will we eat? When will we eat it? WILL the kid eat it? What’s my back up if the kid doesn’t eat enough? Is this going to cause my Husband’s arteries to become a clogged mess? The grocery list. Is there enough milk? The preparations that need to start 5 hours before dinner because heaven help you if right before dinner the kid needs your full undivided attention to pull apart Legos for him for 15 minutes straight while he sits on the potty seat.
Sometimes it feels like life is passing you by. . Things you once found pleasurable or mentally stimulating are put on the back burner so you can mindlessly match up infuriatingly small socks.
But then your little one toddles over and wraps his arms around your leg and looks up at you and just beams – despite your unwashed face and unkept hair. . .
And you beam too. Because you realize these moments are fleeting.
The war v chaos will probably only last about 20 years. . .but even if it lasted 2000 years, that little smile makes it completely worth it. . .
Which is something else no one can prepare you for.