Fortunately for me, “naughty” is a relative term and my Husband clearly has a high tolerance for insanity, bullshit, irresponsibility, and sloth. . .which means the poor guy sucker still thinks I’m worthy of his tireless efforts to make me happy. . .
Well, that and I excel at bitching, moaning, nagging and guilt-tripping.
And this year, all of my aforementioned talents were focused on one thing and one thing only: A CAMERA.
We NEEDED a new camera.
All of our kid photos for the past 10 months looked like blurry Bigfoot footage.
It had to stop.
And I decided the only thing that would stop it was a Nikon DSLR.
Long story short, I put forth my best nagging efforts, did some research, and did just about everything but threaten to withhold sex (only because I’m too lazy for sex in the first place) until Chris ordered me the Nikon DSLR of my choosing.
I know it sounds like I’m spoiled. I am. But honestly, I’d rather have a decent camera than a fancy wardrobe, or car, or the full Direct TV package, or a housecleaning service. OR ANYTHING! I love photos. I take photos every day. I was desperate for a decent camera. I was willing to sacrifice almost anything to get it.
The camera arrived a few weeks ago and Chris and I both skimmed the basics portion of the user’s guide – which is just slightly less voluminous than my 2L Constitutional Criminal Procedure Case Book. . .We both played around with it. . .
We aren’t good enough to use the fully manual settings but we’re definitely getting more comfortable with the basics.
So of course it was with great anticipation that I packed up the camera before we headed to Mimi Carol’s house for our Holiday Hoopla Part I last weekend. These were going to be the BEST holiday candids EVER! Mac is at an adorable age and his holiday wonder would be recorded for all eternity in like a BILLION mega pixels!!!!
I took this very seriously. So seriously in fact, that I took extra time to make my hair look nice, to use mascara, and to not get completely wasted during out holiday happy hour(s). I wanted to look great in the photos while I was helping Mac unwrap his holiday gifts.
So when the time came to help Mac, I was ready for action. Chris took the camera and Mac did his holiday wonder routine perfectly.
Then I promptly put on comfortable clothes and stuffed myself full of Christmas cookies and egg nog.
When we returned home, I could barely wait to download the photos. Visions of me looking fabulous with my darling little Sugar Plum danced in my head! Oh the holiday splendor!
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!
This is clearly not my best angle. . .and there were at least 35 more equally unflattering photos. . .
What the hell, Husband?! What the hell?!!
Oh well, the photos might suck, but the fact that they aren’t blurry is truly a Christmas miracle.