Tonight my Husband cut me off.
I know you’re all thinking he cut me off from the rum and how smart that was of him. . .but you’re WRONG SUCKAS’!
He cut me off mid-sentence.
Chris asked a simple question: He asked if dog should come upstairs to bed with him as he was going to bed before me and getting that dog upstairs is a bit of a pain.
See, Satan’s Lap Hound likes to exuberantly bound up the stairs while we follow behind him dragging his dog bed and a spare baby gate, shushing him the whole time trying not to get the kid awake in the process.
(Yes, we have to gate the dog in our room because otherwise he is tempted to sneak into the kid’s room. . .at best disturbing the kid . .at worst, leaving a steaming pile of crap there. I don’t know why, it started after his last bout of intestinal distress. And rather than actually address the behavior, we find it’s easier to just confine the dog to our room during the night. We’re nothing if not lazily efficient.)
Anyway, I answered Chris affirmatively that he should take the dog with him.
I’m terrible at dragging all that stuff up the stairs with me and I can never get the gate propped up in the bedroom doorway correctly. It always falls over no fewer than three times while I attempt to get it positioned properly.
I tried to explain this to Chris and he stopped me halfway through my explanation.
I guess I must have made a dour expression that caused even Chris pause because he said, “It’s just that you can be a little long-winded. . .um sometimes. A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would have sufficed.”
Since the kid was already asleep I chose not to beat him within an inch of his life and instead laughed it off and told him he could jam it.
But I’ve been thinking about it all evening.
I am long-winded.
Not only am I long-winded by nature but also for my entire adult life – especially in my career and given my education – I’ve had to provide a justification or sound argument for every damned decision I’ve ever made.
It had to be based on fact, it had to work within a framework of rules and regulations, I had to provide copious amounts of justification. . .
Because no one ever really liked my answers. . .or at the very least they seemed constantly ripe for debate in the opinion of others.
Now I clearly don’t have to worry so much about a well-reasoned argument. I don’t have to be concerned with someone testing my logic or my knowledge of rules and the regulatory framework in which I operated.
NOW I’M THE MOM!
HELL, I AM THE REGULATORY FRAMEWORK.
My answer IS good enough. I don’t have to explain myself because. . .
I’M THE MOM AND I SAID SO!
To think, all this time, I was providing Chris and Mac with all this extraneous information about my rationale for doing something or trying to explain previous mistakes I had made under similar circumstances.
Gosh! What a waste of our time!
Fortunately, Chris was astute enough to point this out to me.
And after a lot of reflection, I realize Chris is right. I’m going to change my ways IMMEDIATELY! It’s going to be better for all of us under my tyrannical Mommy reign. No more unnecessary communications. No more justifying what I’m doing or explaining things. No more debating, or questioning. . .
Clearly, as far as Chris is concerned, a simple, “because I said so” is a perfectly acceptable answer.
Our Visa bill will be arriving any day and I’m certain Chris will be satisfied with my very brief explanation of all the charges: They were indeed necessary. . .because I said so!