Friday Funny: In Which I Mock Something I Don’t Understand (Again) & Encourage You To Use Re-Useable Grocery Bags

So we have this tween (rapidly becoming teen) nephew who likes all kinds of “gaming” stuff.  I know absolutely nothing about this.  In fact, I know even less about D&D, WoW, YMIAT (Yo’ Mamma Is a Troll. . .just joking.  I made that one up.), than I do about effective parenting.

So anytime there’s a holiday or special occasion that requires a gift for this young man, I make my husband do the shopping.

Fortunately for Husband, there’s a shop not too far from our house that sells all sorts of gaming stuff and comics and items of a similar ilk.  Everyone there is very nice and the store is clean and well-organized but I still feel “weird” there.  It’s just not my jam.  I’m a fat middle-aged woman.  I do not play with swords, or small metal figurines, or wear my hair in huge coils on either side of my head. . .Nor would you want me to.  Trust me on this one.

Anyway, the last time the Husband made a trek there to get something for the nephew, the merchandise was bagged up in this little gem:

DSC_0119

In case you can’t make out all the print, under “Claim Your Free Loot!” is the following:

“LIVE AND LET LOOSE WITH YOUR OWN EXOTIC PLEASURE COMPANION, SPECIAL EXPERIENCE RING AND RARE MOUNT LIMITED TIME SPECIAL – ENTER ONLINE. . .”

Wait.  What?

When I hear exotic pleasure, I think pina colada.  Yet, I don’t normally “slay for free” while enjoying a boat drink. . .Nor do I expose half of my buttocks while enjoying such exotic pleasures. . .well, at least not until after the third drink. . .

And I have to confess, I sometimes enjoy drinking alone.  So the idea of an “exotic pleasure companion” seems foreign to me.  Hello?  I’m trying to focus on my frozen boat drink. . .don’t mar the experience with your half-clothed, freaky headband wearing presence!  Your time would be better spent getting a manicure – those nails look wretched!

And what is this talk of a “special experience ring”?  Is it similar to the Orphan Annie secret decoder ring in a Christmas Story.  Is it a sentimental “promise ring” for “exotic pleasure companions”?  Or is it like um you know. . .a sex toy?  WHAT?!

Slurps pina colada and stares at the bag.

So much I don’t understand.

Why is this crazy slaying, weird head band, special experience cock ring wearing, cross-eyed Conan guy stealing part of a Righteous Brothers song?  And how the hell did he get his own game?  

I want to Google “rare mount” but I’m scared I’ll end up on the government no-fly list.

And seriously, why is this shit on a plastic shopping bag?

If Chris had just used one of our re-usable shopping bags, it probably would have saved me at least 2 days worth of angst and confusion. . .

Seriously though, what’s a “rare mount”?!

Is it a stamp collecting term?

It’s horse porn isn’t it?!

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Friday Funny: In Which I Mock Something I Don’t Understand (Again) & Encourage You To Use Re-Useable Grocery Bags

    • That bag was from right around the holidays. There is a very sick part of me that is extremely curious if they’ve switched to a different bags for Valentines Day or spring. Ha!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s