Last week, we made a few trips to the playground. Of course, my favorite time to visit the playground is when it’s only being used by a few children – easier to keep an eye on everything that way. . .stroller, kid, etc.
So when the wind was whipping viciously but the sun felt warm-ish last Thursday morning, I had high hopes we would have the playground nearly all to ourselves.
Conditions looked optimal as we approached. There were three other women there with a total of 4 children – all of whom appeared just slightly older than Mac – (ages 3 & 4 most likely).
As we approached, I also noticed that two of the women were very young, well dressed, impeccably groomed, and very disinterested. I can spot them from a mile away: Nannies!!!
Both were sporting just the perfect-amount-of-puffy down jackets, skinny jeans, and riding style boots. They had large Tory Burch totes slung over their shoulders and stared intently at their iPhones while they quietly gossiped to one another in what I believe was Ukrainian.
They were standing close to my typical “stroller parking” location. (Chosen for my ability to see it from both sets of playground equipment in case it comes under siege from squirrels or other unscrupulous kinds).
I glanced down sheepishly at my fat thighs looking even less svelte in a pair of faded yoga pants layered over a pair of leggings for warmth. Why didn’t I at least put some tinted moisturizer on?
Nothing I could do about it now. . .
So I wheeled the stroller into my preferred location, engaged the brake and smiled my warmest smile at the Nanny with blonde locks worthy of a hair care product campaign. She gave me a fleeting but dismissive glance, never once pausing her discussion with the other Nanny.
No worries. She’s probably a miserable whore. Ok. She’s probably not. She’s probably a very happy whore. Stop judging her! This is why women get a bad rep! Ok, she’s a BEAUTIFUL whore. . .Ahem. . .
I proceeded to crouch down to get Mac out of the stroller hoping the seams in my yoga pants held firm. I placed him beside the stroller ready to follow him wherever he wanted to wander.
We didn’t get far. In fact Mac hadn’t even taken a step. He had turned his head slightly to the left to survey the Nannies and the wagon they were standing beside. It was a matter of seconds. . .and when we turned our heads forward again there was a little boy standing about two feet away, directly in front of us.
He was wearing one of those huge knit hats that looked like a panda bear head. He was clearly older than Mac but not much bigger. I smiled at him, assuming he was coming over to check out a potential playmate. . .
We made eye contact, I smiled at him, and he said “No.”
Two more times he declared “No!”
I crouched down beside Mac putting my arm around him. Looking at the Nannies to see if one of them might intervene. I don’t necessarily have a problem suggesting to children they should be behaving better, but my preference is to give their parent or caregiver the first opportunity to do so.
When I crouched down, the little psychopath took three steps towards Mac – who was just standing beside me clearly confused as hell – “No! No! No!”
Ummmmmm. . .I’m glaring at the Nanny now, drawing Mac closer to my body. I can see crazy in the kid’s eyes! CRAZY!!!!
The kid is now inches from Mac’s face. Panda hat flopping about as he viciously screams “No! No! No! No!”
Come on Deni, do something! You’re an adult. The Nanny doesn’t care. We’re not going to take this crap from Psychopath Panda Head! What to do? I’m not prepared to handle this caliber of crazy from a three year old!
Then, Mac predictably, burst into scared and confused tears.
This finally caught the Nanny’s attention and she ushered Psychopath Panda Head away from us. No apology. No curiosity as to what happened. Nothing.
I scooped Mac up and explained to him he hadn’t done anything wrong and that the little boy was probably just having a grumpy day.
But I knew otherwise. . .I saw that kid’s eyes. . .Psychopath.
Mac settled down and we played on the distant playground equipment avoiding Psychopath Panda Head. Every once in a while, if I turned my head quickly, I caught him lurking around a corner watching us. . .Creepy.
At lunch I explained to Mac that he should be very proud of himself for not acting out in anger at Psychopath Panda Head. Sometimes people are just having a bad day and they make poor decisions about their behavior and often it’s better to walk away from the situation rather than further provoke them.
But the truth is, I was really happy Mac didn’t haul off and hit or bite Psychopath Panda Head because he’s not the kind of crazy you want to mess with EVER.